Enter at your own Risk

“You don’t have a soul.

You are a soul.

You have a body.”

C.S. Lewis has been credited for saying that. As it turns out, he didn’t. But more importantly, I’m letting you know that those words are not MY original idea either. On a side note, if you happen to know who did say it first, you’re more than welcome to share that information with me.

I am starting this blog over. Looking at where I was two years ago and then two years before that is too painful and I’m done looking back. I lost weight, my Thyroid became an asshole, then I gained a lot of it back and this fat suit is like an albatross. I looked in the mirror and my soul screamed at me.

I AM NOT THAT PERSON BECAUSE THAT PERSON GAVE UP!

The quality of my life going forward absolutely depends on how I treat my body. But the quality of my life also depends on how I treat my soul.

I have some lofty goals in September. I’m going to set those aside and focus on what I’m doing right now, not the least of which is telling my fat suit to fuck off. But here I’m holding myself accountable for it. It has to start somewhere.

• Today I’m going drink water, and a lot of it.

My skin needs clearing up. And the medication I am on is drying me out.

• Today I’m going to be conscious of EVERYTHING I put in my mouth. (my friends with dirty minds can just shut up now, LOL)

I do a lot of blind eating. When I pay attention, I eat less.

• I’m going to allow myself to enjoy what I eat and SLOW DOWN while I eat.

Letting go of the guilt that I associate with eating is important when I eat to make myself feel better. It’s a vicious cycle. Food is more pleasurable when I taste it and don’t rely on the endorphin rush I get by shoveling it in.

I’m going to try to release myself of the shame I feel for having gotten so far, only to end up where I’d started. But perhaps knowing that I’m doing something about it will help me do that in time.

Thanks for listening.

Michele